False binaries: fact and fiction in The Social Network

Part 1 in a weeklong series on The Social Network.

By Rick Doehring | October 10, 2010

I really think we should go crazy and publish all our articles on October 10th (101010)...

But to continue that motif,

if facts were 0s and fictions were 1s,

then my computer code for this movie would be 10101001000010001100, or:

Fiction: Everyone cares who invented Facebook.

Fact: Brilliant writing and a compelling lead actor create... one of the dullest movies in years.

Fiction: Smarmy rich kids are worth rooting for.

Fact: Stanford is thrilled by the two, not one, shots of a tight ass in its red panties.

Fiction: A logarithm written on a window changed the world. Have you ever tried writing anything on a window?

Fact: Geniuses don't know how to dress for the weather. Which proves that they're… trite.

Fact: Justin Timberlake can really act like Justin Timberlake.

Fiction: In a computer classroom of computer nerds with everyone sitting at their computers, someone would actually pass someone else a hand-written note and use the text shortened version of "u" in it.

Fact: A completely socially inept young man invents the most engaging social network in human history to date.

Fact: Never, ever, wipe cocaine off a woman's stomach with your bare hand unless you have a handi-wipe in your pocket.

Fact: If you're the C.F.O. of a company and don't know enough to have your lawyer read legal documents before you sign them, expect to sue your friends.

Fact: You don't win Olympics for colleges, you win them for your country. Or, in this case, you don't them at all, and you're just twin losers. With 65 million dollars in your pockets.

Fiction: College girls pretty much exist just to give guys blow jobs if the guys are rich, belong to the right clubs, or can write a clever computer code.

Fact: College students rarely know the name of the lecturer and that's really funny.

Fact: College students can be reallyreally smart and talk reallyreally fast and say reallyreally clever things until they insult each other's intelligence. Then, it's over.

Fact: You never lose your hard-on for the first girl to dump you.

Fiction: The middle of this movie was about something.

Fiction: The man who directed Panic Room, Zodiac, and Fight Club is the perfect director for a movie about looking at a computer screen.

Fact: The soundtrack for this movie about kids being in college in the 2000s apparently consists of one old Beatles' song.

Fact: Someone hit refresh. Please.